He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
