There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
