Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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