I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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