I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
