wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just blew my weed a kiss
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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