Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
