its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
