I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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