I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
