can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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