I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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