Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
