So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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