and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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