i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
