Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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