matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize