Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
