Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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