She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How does it feel to date your dad?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
