Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize