I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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