Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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