i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
