I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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