in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
