its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
no you cant smoke seaweed
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You ruined the universe
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
