I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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