so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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