I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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