someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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