he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
