cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
