Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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