I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
