thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
