hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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