Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
