Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
