She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
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Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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