can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
