I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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