It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
