I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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