Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
