So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
