My room smells like vodka and shame
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
