Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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