Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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