it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would ride that face into the sunset
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
