can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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