It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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