I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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