i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
