I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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