It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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