umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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