That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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