Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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