I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
