If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
