**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
