he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
