You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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