I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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