Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.