I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
either way he was missing a nipple.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All I want is dick and wine.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.