Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...

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(407): please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet... http://tfl.nu/oufp

Replies (14) Good night (3632) Bad night (645)
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(310): View more from California

Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.

(310): View more from California

Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.

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(310): Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them. (310): Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light. http://tfl.nu/t4oe

Replies (12) Good night (3184) Bad night (553)
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(818): View more from California

My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.

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(818): My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert. http://tfl.nu/ehir

Replies (38) Good night (1560) Bad night (3612)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.

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(612): I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement. http://tfl.nu/3cr8

Replies (27) Good night (5778) Bad night (815)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.

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(540): I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it. http://tfl.nu/dv65

Replies (45) Good night (11022) Bad night (2611)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.

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(832): I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers. http://tfl.nu/48lf

Replies (3) Good night (2065) Bad night (1343)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.

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(508): he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him. http://tfl.nu/d83n

Replies (4) Good night (1841) Bad night (862)
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(802): View more from Vermont

lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.

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(802): lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships. http://tfl.nu/002a

Replies (10) Good night (1996) Bad night (1016)
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(407): View more from Florida

If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.

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(407): If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life. http://tfl.nu/zp1p

Replies (11) Good night (943) Bad night (2480)
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(845): View more from New York

I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'

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(845): I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.' http://tfl.nu/qnb2

Replies (3) Good night (858) Bad night (1195)
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(760): View more from California

I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.

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(760): I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything. http://tfl.nu/7wj6

Replies (3) Good night (410) Bad night (1311)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan

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(218): I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan http://tfl.nu/xroh

Replies (11) Good night (1937) Bad night (545)
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(850): View more from Florida

I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.

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(850): I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail. http://tfl.nu/etfk

Replies (4) Good night (556) Bad night (938)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any

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(307): Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any http://tfl.nu/i4l6

Replies (3) Good night (326) Bad night (621)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.

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(+44): I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff. http://tfl.nu/4dhc

Replies (3) Good night (321) Bad night (159)

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