lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?