a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
