i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.