Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize