so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
