im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
