Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
