So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
