Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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