This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
