Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
