Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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