just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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