My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
