He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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