It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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