my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we're making bets on your personal life
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
