But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
