No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
