Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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