you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
