Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
