bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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