Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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